I have been involved
in over a dozen cases over the last couple of years where couples have decided
to separate and avoid going to court. There seem to be many advantages to this,
not least retaining control of the decision making process and coming to a point
where an understanding is reached about how to co-parent post-divorce.
Whilst it is seldom an easy process each partner having
their lawyer present with someone like me (a “Family Consultant”) to
facilitate/manage dynamics & tensions
seems to enable progress where it may otherwise have
stalled.
The couple seemed unable to resolve their differences and
both were adamant that they were standing their ground in the interests of
their child. It was difficult for the lawyers to name “the elephant in the
room” without alienating the other client & making a difficult situation
worse.
As a non-legal neutral I was able to ask the “stupid”
questions which quickly revealed intransigencies on both sides to be positional
& largely self-interested. Using humour & challenge the couple reached
a point where they were able to acknowledge their interests as well as those of
others concerned. This was the basis for a mutually acceptable settlement. All
that was left was to decide who was divorcing who. There was no clear blame
either way & again it looked like an impasse. I half-jokingly said they
could always toss a coin. They looked at each other & laughed &
suggested “rock, paper, scissors”!
What a great outcome & basis to move forward for
something that could have ended up in court & been potentially far more
costly both financially & emotionally.
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