The Difference between Intent and Impact

 Imagine for a moment that I have just said something which has hurt your feelings. You tell me I have hurt you. I am shocked; I was aware of no desire to hurt you. I just wanted to make sure you understood my position, so I said it forcefully. Now if we are not careful we could get into an argument about who is right. I could maintain that I am totally innocent and you are much too sensitive for your own good. You could maintain that you were not born yesterday and you know when someone is hurting you.

The intent/impact model says that there is nothing to argue about: we are both right.

I am the world’s leading expert on my intent. The only way you can know what my

intent was is if I tell you. There is no way to argue against it. I am the authority.

Similarly you are the world’s leading expert on the impact my statement had on you.

The only way I can know what impact I had is for you to tell me. There is nothing to

argue about. You are the authority. We have each learned something about the other

and about ourselves.

Impact can be very different from our intent. I do not always appear to others the

way I do to myself. Only I can know my intent, and you will never know it if I don’t

tell you. But only you can know the impact I have, and I will never know it if you

don’t tell me.

Skating

I took a group of teenagers skating.Some had been before & others had not.
What became quickly apparent was that you can't learn to skate by hanging onto the side.
In order to learn you have to take a chance,be prepared to fall over & even get hurt a bit.
Like so much in life it's more about letting go of our fear,having a go & getting up and starting again
if we fall...oh & having some fun & laughter too!

Interview

I was interviewed yeterday about some aspects of my Psychotherapy practice.
Hope you enjoy it...complete with my Movember beard!

Interview

Anyone ever feel like this?

If you put some fleas in a jar and close the lid, the fleas will begin

to jump, of course with the lid on they will only hit their tiny heads

and never be able to escape. After about 20 minutes they learn

that they are trapped and they change the height of their jumps

so that they will stop hitting their heads. 

Give them a little bit longer and they will grow accustomed that

they will never escape and once this happens you can safely

remove the lid and the fleas will continue jumping at the same

medium height, eternally trapped in the jar. 

You see they firmly believe that they will never be able to escape

and that's why they stop trying, of course after spending 20 minutes

jumping straight up hitting your head, with no way of escaping, who

wouldn't... The problem is that they get so used to the idea of being

trapped that they never even bother to lift their heads again to see

if the lid has come off...

Having a mentor or guide is a great way to help you keep lifting

your head to see if there is an opening in the jar, you never know

my friend, because just like in the case of the fleas, anything could

happen in 20 minutes. 

Never doubt yourself and what you can achieve, put your mind to

it, keep pushing and I promise you that an opening will come.

Exhaustion,Fatigue & Renewal

If you're wondering if you can keep going you're probably doing too much.
If you're wondering when to push yourself a bit harder you're probably not doing enough.
It's the fine line that Bradley Wiggins pedals so well.
Unless we create enough time for renewal & reflection it's easy to confuse the two.

Mandala

I recently watched 8 Tibetan monks take 3 days to lovingly create a mandala of coloured sand.It was exquisite in its' intricate detail. At the end they destroyed it and ceremonially put it into The River Thames for the good of all beings(much to the surprise of the nearby fishermen!)
Such a rich metaphor for the energy and attention we put into creating our elaborate lives and their ultimate impermanence.

Higgs boson

This elusive particle is apparently the building block for all matter.It's been around since the big bang,the essence of the cosmos etc. If you follow that logic then we are all connected to all things and to each other.Same particles just clumped together differently & vibrating at different levels.
I am no scientist but that's how it seems to me.
What does that tell you about our relationship to all things animate & inanimate?
What does that tell you about your perception of separateness from & connection to each other?